Dare to Desire Read online

  “Have you seen the sports blogs this morning?” Gail, one of the women, asked Madison.

  Madison shook her head. “No. Is there something good in them?” She added milk and one sugar packet to her coffee, stirring as she asked.

  “Yes, actually,” the other woman said.

  “Madison!” Riley came running into the room, interrupting the conversation. “I’ve been looking all over for you. We need to talk.”

  Madison turned to her friend. “Sure. I just want to see what has them so interested,” she said, gesturing to the other women.

  Riley shot them a glare Madison didn’t understand. “Later. What I have to say is urgent,” she said, grasping Madison’s hand and pulling her out of the room.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked Riley, digging her heels into the carpet, concerned.

  “Not here. Come on. Let’s go into your office.” Riley began pulling her once more.

  “You’re scaring me,” Madison muttered, letting her friend drag her into the room, where she shut the door and locked it behind them. “Riley—”

  “Okay, sit. And listen. There’s something in the morning gossip columns that you need to see. But you need to let me show you, and you need to not jump to conclusions, no matter how bad things look.”

  Her stomach flipped over, and she lowered herself into her chair. “He hasn’t been in touch.”

  “What?” Riley pulled a chair close to her and sat down.

  “Alex. That’s what you want to show me, right? There’s something about him in the blogs? It makes sense. Because since he left, I haven’t heard from him. Not once.”

  Riley clasped their hands together, but Madison was numb inside and out and barely felt her friend’s touch. “There is an explanation. I’m sure.”

  “Just show me. Is it in Behind the Bleachers with Ben?” Madison asked of the infamous website.

  Riley nodded.

  Madison turned and hit a button to bring her computer to life. She typed in the sports blog that was standard for everyone in the sports world to read. Sometimes Ben hit it head on, and other times, he missed the mark completely. But there was no doubt the man had reach.

  The blog came onto the screen along with a set of photographs. Alex and a beautiful blonde Madison recognized as Allison Edwards, the woman he was to screen-test with. In one shot, they were laughing across from one another. In another photo, they were side by side, heads together, obviously talking intimately. And in the third picture, Allison held out her spoon, and Alex’s mouth was open and waiting.

  Pain gripped her heart. “Well, that explains the silence.”

  “No. Listen to me. I used to work in PR, and I know not everything is what it seems.”

  She managed a smile. “I know you’re right. But even if it’s perfectly innocent, I don’t know that I can deal with this part of his life.” Looking at the photos made her nauseous. Not hearing from him left her mind spinning and creating all sorts of awful possibilities.

  “Why don’t you take the day off,” Riley suggested. “You’ve had a rough couple of days. Plus the judge is due to rule soon, and you’d have to leave anyway.”

  Normally Madison would argue, but not today. “Thanks. I think I’ll do that.”

  They rose, and Riley pulled Madison into a hug. “I’ll call you later and check in.”

  “Thanks,” she whispered, not wanting to give in to the overwhelming emotions swamping her and cry.

  She packed up her bag and headed home, her thoughts on Alex and all the reasons she couldn’t deal with this part of his life. Even if those photographs were deliberately misleading, it didn’t change what was broken inside of Madison. Yes, Alex had proven himself to her over and over, but her insecurities and issues were real and deep-seated enough that she couldn’t imagine living with those feelings of abandonment being brought up over and over again.

  * * *

  Alex woke up at three, having booked the earliest flight he could manage out of New York the night before. He’d paid a premium, but he didn’t care. He arrived at the airport in Miami and immediately took a cab straight to the stadium.

  He’d never been so wired in his life. He’d barely gotten any sleep last night, and taking a six a.m. flight meant he still hadn’t called Madison.

  He strode through the hallway leading to his office, needing one thing and one thing only. To see Madison. Everything else could wait.

  Riley barreled out of her office, stopping in front him. “You. Me. Talk. Now.”

  “No. I need to see Madison.”

  “She’s not here. She left early.”

  He blew out a long breath. “She’s supposed to be working today. Did something happen with her foster mother or the hearing?”

  “Now you’re concerned? Where the hell were you all day and night yesterday?” Riley asked, raising her voice. “Oh, I’m sorry. Snuggling up with your new costar at some new hip place in Manhattan. Too busy to call your girlfriend and check in.”

  He set his jaw. “Fucking pictures,” he muttered. “I wanted to get to her first.”

  “Did you ever think to try the phone?”

  “My flight this morning was at six, and I didn’t get back in last night until almost midnight.”

  Riley blew out a long breath. “You blew it, buddy.”

  “Don’t tell me she believes what those pictures imply.” He’d been laying the groundwork between them for months now. And though she’d admitted to worrying about him returning to old habits, no way could she believe it would happen in just twenty-four hours.

  Riley blew out a long breath. “I don’t think she does.”

  Relief swept through him. “Thank God.”

  “But that doesn’t mean she can handle what comes along with the famous you.”

  He rubbed a hand over his face. “I love her.”

  Riley’s expression lit up her entire face. “I knew it! Have you told her?”

  “Not exactly but—”

  “Then what are you doing here talking to me? Go home and use your words.” She grinned at him like a crazy woman.

  Who’d have thought his love life was so important to her?

  “Have you been reading those how-to books on raising kids?” he asked.

  Her blush gave her away, and he laughed.

  “What? I couldn’t handle What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” She wrinkled her nose. “Too many gross details nobody wants to know ahead of time.”

  He shook his head and groaned. “Go torture your husband, will you? I have to get home.” He started for the elevator when Riley called his name, and he turned back.

  “Madison just sent me a text. Judge has made his decision. She’s meeting her lawyer at the courthouse.”

  TWELVE

  Alex arrived at the courthouse too late to hear the judge’s decision. He walked through the double doors and found Jonathan gathering his papers and checking his messages.

  “What’d I miss? And where is Madison?” he asked his friend.

  Jonathan glanced up from his cell, looking Alex up and down. “You look like shit.”

  “Nice. Thank you. I took an early flight from New York this morning. I haven’t had much sleep.” Not to mention, he’d been driving in circles trying to find Madison. “Now what happened here?”

  “I can’t believe it, but we lost.”

  “What?” Alex braced a hand on the tabletop.

  “The judge said there wasn’t enough evidence to show undue influence; however, he felt that since Franny’s dementia signs started before she signed the power of attorney and living will, he should err on the side of the biological child.”

  “Son of a bitch.” Alex could only imagine the pain Madison was experiencing. “How did she take it?”

  Jonathan met his gaze. “Not well. I mean, she seemed off from the minute she got here, and the judge’s decision didn’t help. Add to that, as he was leaving, her bastard foster brother threatened to get a restraining order to keep her away from
his mother.”

  Alex closed his eyes and groaned.

  “I don’t think he could swing that. He didn’t prove anything against Madison in this hearing except that she wasn’t related by blood. Anyway, she said she needed to be alone and took off.”

  Could this day go any more wrong? Alex wondered. “Thanks, man. I know you did the best you could.” He slapped his friend on the back.

  Jonathan picked up his briefcase. “I’m just sorry it fell short.”

  “Me too.”

  Alex headed out to his car and started the engine, needing the air conditioning so he could think more clearly. Where would Madison go if she were upset? Right now, she was feeling abandoned by him, let down by the court, and rejected by her foster brother.

  He called Riley only to find out she hadn’t heard from her at all. “She lost the hearing. I’m going to check her place. If you hear from her in between, call me.”

  He disconnected the call.

  He arrived at her apartment to find her car wasn’t in its spot and she wasn’t home. Instead of leaving, he settled in to wait.

  * * *

  Madison drove aimlessly, still in disbelief over the ruling. She’d always believed Franny’s wishes would be upheld. That the judge had decided blood was thicker really hurt. Doing her best no longer felt like it was enough.

  Suddenly, her phone buzzed. A quick glance confirmed it was Alex. But she wasn’t ready to talk to him. She didn’t know what she wanted to say. She also didn’t want to go home to her empty apartment and dwell on the last twenty-four hours.

  She headed out of Miami and drove toward the suburbs, her destination not clear until she turned onto an old residential street, realizing she’d driven to the neighborhood where she’d lived with her parents. The houses were as rundown as she remembered from her young mind. Overgrown grass and weeds covered most of the lawns. Few were green, and sadly, most had turned brown from neglect and lack of care.

  She stopped in front of the house where she’d grown up, trying to remember any good memories before her mother had left and her father had abandoned her, but none came. Before melancholy could overwhelm her completely, she put her car in drive.

  A little while later, she’d driven past one or two other foster homes, skipping Franny’s in favor of visiting the older woman in person. If Eric followed through on his threat to get a restraining order, this might be the last time she could see her. Although Jonathan assured her he wouldn’t win, she was past believing in anyone or anything.

  And wasn’t that pathetic, she thought. Ignoring the voice in her head asking if that was how she really wanted to live the rest of her life, doubting and skeptical, she walked into the nursing home, grateful when nobody stopped her on the way to Franny’s room.

  She knocked and was heartened by the loud come in she received in response.

  “Franny?” Madison asked, pushing the door open.

  “Gracie!” Franny said, excitement in her voice. Madison’s stomach plummeted along with her hopes.

  Madison walked over and kissed the older woman’s cheek.

  “You look wonderful today.”

  The nurses here took good care of her. Madison made certain to stop by at unexpected times and days, to make sure nothing she saw was for a visitor’s benefit.

  “Thanks. So do you.” Franny giggled a bit, making Madison think she was in an earlier age.

  “I took a walk in the garden today. I was hoping that good-looking man, Daniel, would come by.”

  Madison’s heart clenched. “Did he?”

  Franny shook her head. “Not today, so I played cards with some friends after lunch.”

  “A good day then?”

  “So far.”

  Madison smiled because, in Franny’s mind, that’s all that counted. And maybe that should count for Madison too. Franny wasn’t unhappy now.

  “What about you? Where’s that handsome man you’ve been telling me about? Aren’t you going to bring him to visit?”

  Madison decided to play along as if she were Gracie, answering with her own life’s truths.

  “Last time I brought him, you were asleep. I’ll try to bring him by again, but he’s interviewing for a new job, and I’m not sure if that’ll take him out of town or not.”

  Franny frowned. “You sound sad about that.”

  “Do I?” Madison sighed. “I’m a little torn about it.” Feeling a bit weird since Franny didn’t really comprehend, Madison still explained what her history really had been with Alex and brought her up to date with the situation now.

  Franny patted the edge of the bed, and Madison settled in beside her. “Madison, honey, do you love him?”

  Madison’s gaze swung to Franny’s. She was here. And this might be the last chance she ever had to talk to her. She swallowed hard, nodding. “I tried really hard not to love him, but I do.”

  “You can’t keep running from love just because you’re afraid of being left behind, right?”

  Madison shook her head. “Wow, when you have a good day, you really go for the jugular.”

  “I have to say what’s important when I can.”

  “Yeah.” She understood, and the lump formed again in her throat. The doctor had said to cherish these precious moments.

  “Look, we both know that by the time you came to us, you’d been in and out of so many homes, you didn’t want to count on anyone.”

  Madison looked down at her lap rather than into her foster mom’s bright green eyes.

  “It took me a year to win you over and get you to believe I wasn’t going to turn my back on you. Ever.”

  Tears sprang to Madison’s eyes because, with this damned disease, that’s exactly what she felt like Franny was doing to her. The rational part of Madison knew the memory lapses weren’t within Franny’s control, but the little girl in her felt abandoned all over again.

  “I know, honey. I know,” Franny said, obviously reading her mind. “But I will always love you, even if I can’t say it or if I don’t recognize you.”

  Madison managed a nod. Then, because she owed it to her, she told Franny the rest of the truth. “Eric took me to court over your power of attorney and health care proxy. I hired the best attorney I could, but the judge ruled in his favor. He’s going to sell the house so they can build condominiums. And he’s going to try to keep me from seeing you.”

  Franny blew out a long breath. “He’s got a mean streak. You can’t let him stop you from seeing your man, Gracie. You know that, right?”

  And just like that, it was over. Madison teared up all over again.

  “I know.” She managed to pull herself together and decided to say everything she would have said to a lucid Franny. “I would do it all again to help you the way you helped me. I did everything I could for you.”

  Franny clasped her hand and began to hum a tune Madison didn’t recognize. “Remember that song? We’d sing it when I was waiting for Daniel and you were waiting for your man. Are you waiting for him now?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll go see where he is,” Madison said.

  “That’s a good idea.”

  Madison looked at Franny. “Thank you for everything. But most of all, thank you for being the only real mother I ever had,” she said, pulling the frail woman into a long hug.

  “That’s my girl,” she thought she heard Franny whisper.

  Or maybe she’d imagined it. It didn’t matter.

  She was Franny’s girl, Madison thought. From the moment the couple had taken her in, they’d treated her like their own daughter. It didn’t matter what Eric thought or what the court said. She was Franny’s daughter of the heart. And that was the only thing that mattered.

  Madison shook her head. “I don’t know if he’s my man.”

  But she did. In her heart, where it counted, Alex was hers. Madison decided it was time to go home and deal with her real life. The one that existed in this moment.

  And if that meant she had to live with whatever car
eer choices made him happy, wasn’t that a small price to pay? She didn’t have to like it, but she did have to live with it. Up till now, he’d done all the changing and giving. It was her turn.

  * * *

  Alex was getting good and worked up, pacing Madison’s apartment and glaring out the window. By the time her car pulled into her assigned parking spot, he was out of his mind worried, not knowing where she’d gone after getting the bad news, and she hadn’t returned his texts or his calls.

  When she put the key in the lock and walked in, he was waiting in the living room, back to the window, arms folded over his chest. “Well, it’s about damned time.”

  “Excuse me?” She blinked, her eyes puffy and red from crying. The sight hurt, but he was still furious she’d left him hanging without a word.

  “Do you have any idea how worried I was?”

  She shook her head. “I thought you were calling and texting from New York, not Florida. How would I know you were home? And if anyone was left hanging, it was me. Where the hell were you for the last twenty-four hours? You didn’t pick up the phone and text or call!” She tossed her keys and purse onto the table and folded her arms across her chest, mimicking his pose … and calling him on his hypocritical bullshit.

  “Madison—”

  “And while we’re at it, tell me why I had to see those photographs and still not hear a word from you.”

  “I can explain everything,” he said, his heart racing as he remembered everything between them he’d put aside during his concern for her after the hearing.

  “The words of a guilty man if I ever heard them,” she said, but she didn’t look angry.

  He was confused by her mixed signals. She strode over to him and grasped him by the shoulders. She was slight but determined as she turned and backed him over to the sofa, pushing him into the couch cushions.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” he asked.

  “Having my say.”

  He narrowed his gaze. He’d never seen this side of Madison before, and he had to admit it was hot. Still, there was a lot between them that needed stating out loud and fixing.

  “Any chance I can go first? Explain what happened in New York?” he asked.