Worthy of Love Read online

  Janine shot him a disbelieving stare. “I doubt Tony would agree.”

  “Cheap shot,” he muttered.

  “But true.” As she spoke, Nikki returned.

  Despite the smoke, despite the distinct odor of alcohol, Kevin was aware of her. Her unique scent had lingered in his dreams and as she circled their seats, pausing only to slam down their drinks before moving on, he could swear she still wore the same perfume.

  He watched her in action. She served neighboring tables, pausing to talk at some, flirt at others, and avoid wandering hands as she worked. From the easy way she maneuvered, he’d guess she’d been doing this for more than just a few nights. He looked to Janine for answers, but after having set him up, his companion disappeared.

  He exhaled a groan. Nikki had a new look, a new job. From all outward appearances, she had a whole new life. One he was damn sure her brother wouldn’t approve of, one that put Kevin in a position he didn’t want to be in.

  He’d left the morning after, believing that Nikki would be better off going on with her life without him around. After all, if his partner couldn’t count on him, what could he offer Nikki? She deserved better than him. He glanced around the crowded bar. Better than this, too. Kevin knew all about these places firsthand. He’d grown up hanging around the sleazier bars, tagging after his drunken father.

  Knowing Nikki was subjecting herself to the leers and come-ons he’d seen his father make… Even if the guys wore suits instead of an out-of-work plumber’s overalls, they were after the same thing. From Nikki. The thought made him sick and Kevin refused to dwell on it any longer. Instead he settled in.

  Throughout the night, Nikki glared at him plenty and refilled his drink once, but she didn’t stop to talk. Obviously, she planned to ignore him until he decided to leave. With his track record, she probably figured it was only a matter of time. He wished he could oblige. Watching Nikki had aroused more than his curiosity and he didn’t like the feeling. He’d prefer to put it, and her, behind him as soon as possible.

  And he would, as soon as he fulfilled his promise to Tony. Last time he left, he did so based on the assumption that Nikki would be fine without him. He’d been so wrapped up in himself and his mistakes that he’d made another one.

  He’d left without checking facts, a damn stupid move for an ex-cop. Before he dropped out of sight again, he intended to make sure he accomplished his goal.

  * * *

  Nikki Welles grabbed her fake fur coat from the hook in the back hall and glanced around the empty bar once more. Not a customer or ex-lover in sight. Apparently, things hadn’t changed. He still made his getaway before facing her one-on-one. She fought back the recurring wave of nausea that threatened to overtake her. She’d been queasy before work and hadn’t been able to eat and once here, greasy bar food didn’t appeal to her weak stomach.

  Ever since her brother’s death, she was lightheaded and woozy most of the time. Similar to when her parents had died, but much, much worse. She and Tony had been very close… and now she had no one but Janine. At one time, she thought she’d have Kevin, but he hadn’t cared enough to stick around, and obviously that hadn’t changed.

  His generous tip didn’t ease the insult; it merely heightened it, especially since she hadn’t earned the money. He’d taken up space at her station and paid her for nothing. As if he felt sorry for her. The thought brought back painful memories she believed she’d put behind her… of the morning she’d woken up in his apartment, alone in his bed.

  At first she’d thought he was somewhere around. Then, not wanting to believe the worst, she convinced herself he’d gone down to pick up breakfast for them both. She’d even set the table, pulled on the shirt he’d left near the bed and curled up to wait. Only after an embarrassing amount of time had passed, did she accept the truth. He considered her a mistake and he’d left her in his apartment rather than face her the morning after, probably giving her time to gather her things and leave before he returned. Just the memory brought back the rush of shame she’d felt at the time, but only for a moment. Because Kevin Manning wasn’t worth it… even if he still looked sexy enough to knock her off her feet. She’d never go there again.

  She wrapped her coat around her body and headed for the door. “Sure you don’t want to wait five?” one of the bartenders asked as she passed.

  “No, thanks. I’ll be fine.” She waved good night and ducked into the cool night air before he could argue. The taxi routinely picked her up on the corner of the one-way street. Most nights, one of the guys kept her company on her walk, but tonight, she wanted to be alone. She needed to think about what Kevin’s return meant for her future and what form of revenge would work best on the sister-in-law who had betrayed her.

  She exhaled, watching the puff of air hover and disappear. With the chill in the air, she found it hard to believe spring was on the way. She bowed her head down and walked to the corner, her hand wrapped around the pepper spray she kept in her coat pocket as a precaution. The streets were quiet, but the guys at work had taught her never to take safety for granted. From the beginning, they’d looked at her as their naïve kid sister, which, for the most part, she had been. They’d taught her how to flirt when appropriate, duck a come-on when necessary, and how to take care of herself.

  As she reached the corner, someone grabbed her arm and she swung around, pepper spray in her other hand. As quickly as she’d turned, she found herself disarmed and pulled against a lean, hard body, her face pressed against cold leather. Heart pounding, throat dry, she grappled for a way out and remembered the night’s tips tucked safely inside her boots. She wondered if her attacker would be satisfied with that or if he wanted something more. Something she wouldn’t willingly give.

  Before she could process that thought, he released her. She stumbled backward and looked up to see Kevin, pepper spray in hand and a dark scowl on his face.

  She drew in a ragged breath. The cold air did nothing to calm her nerves or her shaking hands. Even as she glared at him, she couldn’t help the awareness that shot through her veins. He hadn’t changed. He oozed sex appeal and raw danger. With his dark hair, razor stubble and black leather jacket, he was a part of the streets and the black night that stretched out before them. He was a loner, belonging on his own, much more than he’d ever belong to anyone else. She’d been foolish to hope he’d ever be hers.

  “I didn’t believe those rumors until I saw you in the bar,” she said when she’d caught her breath. “You have resurfaced.”

  TWO

  Kevin didn’t smile. In fact, his eyes darkened until they matched the color of the night sky. “And you don’t look too pleased that I have.”

  “What do you expect? You scared me half to death. What’s wrong with you, sneaking up on me like that?” Nikki rubbed her arm where he’d grabbed her, more from a sense of shock than anything else. He hadn’t hurt her, not physically anyway.

  “Join the club, princess. Just watching you tonight scared the hell out of me.”

  Her heart skipped a beat at the endearment he so casually tossed her way. He’d always called her princess, from the first moment they’d met. He’d called her princess that night, too, when he’d thrust inside her and realized she was a virgin. She should have told him, but she’d been too afraid he’d turn her away if she had. The risk was too great. She’d needed the comfort as much as she’d needed him.

  He’d kissed away her tears and reached past her childish fantasies to what she’d foolishly believed was reality. In so doing, he’d touched her heart… and trampled on it the following day. Never again, she reminded herself and breathed deeply, allowing the cold air to clear her mind. Even the nausea seemed to fade, courtesy of the fresh air.

  “What’s wrong with you?” he asked.

  “Excuse me?” She blinked at his harsh tone of voice.

  “What have you done with your life? Giving up teaching to work in a place like that.” He gestured toward the bar down the street. “Letting stran
ge men paw you,” he continued without missing a beat. “Walking the streets alone in the dead of night, dressing like a… like a…” He shook his head and trailed off, obviously losing steam.

  “Don’t stop now,” she murmured. “Not when you’re just getting interesting. Dressing like a… what?” she prompted.

  “Forget it. Just tell me what the hell’s going on.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.” She blinked twice, feigning ignorance, buying time. Student teachers didn’t earn money and she’d been forced to give up her scholarship because she couldn’t afford housing on campus or otherwise. Her life had changed so fast, she could hardly believe it herself.

  Explaining would take more energy than she possessed and she refused to bare her soul to a man who didn’t care. “And even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you,” she said, turning the brunt of her true feelings on him. There was a time when she’d have told him anything, but not anymore. She spun on her heels, intending to walk away.

  He stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. No force, no strength to his grip, just a touch… and she turned back toward him. “Tony wouldn’t approve,” he said softly.

  “Tony’s not here,” she reminded him, forcing the words past the catch in her throat. He muttered a harsh curse. She glanced up, hating the tears in her eyes, hating that he’d see her weakness. When she was weak she was at her most vulnerable, and she’d worked too hard to be strong.

  “But I am.” He touched her cheek with one hand, with a single stroke of his calloused finger. The warmth shot straight through her, settling in her chest, perilously close to her heart.

  Nikki fought the feeling and let his words register instead. Then she looked at him and laughed. She couldn’t help it, couldn’t control her reaction to what he’d just said because she’d come to him once before. She’d leaned on him, opened her heart, and relied on him to be there for her afterward. He hadn’t been. Instead he’d taken off and left her alone.

  As if she’d slapped him, he jerked his hand away from her face. The cold wind blew across her cheek and the chill went much deeper than her skin. She wrapped her arms around herself, but she didn’t feel warmer. Being alone, hurt, she admitted to herself, but better being alone than rejected again. No matter how much she needed someone, she wouldn’t turn to Kevin. She didn’t trust him to be there when she fell.

  “I don’t need you,” she told him. The nausea she’d suffered from earlier returned in force, but she fought against the wave that assaulted her. A few more minutes and she’d be on her own, and she could collapse in private. “Tony would have respected any well-thought-out decision and I’ve made mine. You’ll have to accept it even if you don’t understand.”

  He muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “We’ll see about that.”

  “It isn’t your place to see or not.” She took two steps and her knees buckled.

  Kevin saved her from falling by wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her close. “Apparently, it is. You’re overworked, exhausted and…”

  “Just a little nauseous, dizzy. I’m fine or I will be after a good night’s sleep.”

  His eyes narrowed as his dark gaze focused in on her. “Has this happened before?”

  “Yes. No.” She could barely think, let alone answer. Maybe if his strength weren’t so potent, his scent so seductive, she wouldn’t feel as dizzy and overwhelmed.

  All her energy went into remaining upright and focused. Once she got rid of Kevin, she could collapse in a taxi and pull herself together.

  “Well, which is it?” he asked.

  Nikki shook her head, but the rapid movement only made things worse. The last thing she felt before blackness claimed her was his strong arms beneath her knees and his softly muttered curse in her ear.

  * * *

  The sound of oil splattering in a frying pan woke her. It wasn’t the first time Nikki had opened her eyes since falling into the uncharacteristic faint.

  She’d awakened earlier to find herself in Kevin’s car, his hand stroking her cheek as he drove. Because she’d been so exhausted, she hadn’t fought him. Lulled by the motion of the vehicle and the illusion of security she’d desperately needed, she’d allowed herself to drift back to sleep.

  She swung her legs over the side of what she now realized was an unfamiliar couch and sat up. Her stomach rebelled at the sudden upward movement. Breathe deep. Nikki obeyed her silent command, but the odor of frying eggs worked against her.

  “Bathroom’s over there.”

  Nikki heard him and ran, making it just in time. How an empty stomach could cause so much trouble, she had no idea. When the shaking stopped and she felt steady enough to rise, she splashed cold water on her face and prepared to approach Kevin.

  “You okay?”

  She glanced up to find him standing in the doorway, his brow furrowed in concern, “Yeah.” She pushed her hair out of her eyes, barely able to meet his gaze. Throwing up wasn’t an everyday occurrence. Having an audience, especially having Kevin as an audience, made the situation even worse.

  “Here, let me help you to the table.” He took a step toward her, but embarrassment forced her retreat. The back of her legs hit the toilet and he laughed. “I think I’ve already witnessed your worst,” he said. “Shutting me out now won’t make things better. Let me help.” His voice dropped an octave as he held out a hand.

  She nodded and placed her palm inside his. Heat shot through her arm, setting off a warm tingling in her chest and stomach – one which she’d prefer to attribute to dizziness and exhaustion, not to Kevin’s potent touch.

  She glanced at her watch. Only an hour since she’d left the bar. “Why didn’t you just take me home?” she asked.

  “I figured you needed someone to keep an eye on you and Janine needs her sleep.”

  “So you volunteered for the job?”

  “I didn’t see anyone else around to catch you when you fell.”

  “Thank you for that,” she murmured, realizing that she sounded like an ungrateful bitch.

  “You’re welcome.” He pulled an old wooden chair from beneath the bleached oak table. The set was obviously piecemeal, an old rectangular table, two matching chairs and an odd assortment of others.

  “Yours?” she asked, remembering a plain white table in his old apartment.

  He followed her line of vision. “Came with the house,” he explained.

  “House.” Nikki lowered herself into the chair before she had another wave of dizziness to contend with. “I thought you rented an apartment?” She kept her gaze glued to the scarred table, refusing to let the memories of that night, that place, resurface.

  “It was a month-to-month lease, furniture and all. The morning I left…” He cleared his throat, obviously as uncomfortable with the memories as she. “When I left, I dropped a check with the landlord for an extra month’s rent along with a note asking him to store my things.”

  He’d given the landlord more consideration than he’d given her, she thought. “And this house?”

  “Was left to me by an aunt who remembered me in her will. I figured it was as good an excuse as any to come back to town.”

  “It was, but I wasn’t.” Nikki could have bitten her tongue in two the minute the words were out of her mouth. She knew, without question, what that night had meant to him. What she meant to him. Nothing. Not a damn thing. He’d used her to forget the pain, the same pain she’d been reeling from. Only difference was, she’d been drawn to him for months, probably years, and being in his arms had been an answer to all her dreams. Or so she’d thought.

  He poured a can of cola into a glass and put it down in front of her. “Drink this. The sugar will help the dizziness and since I rarely touch the stuff, it’s probably flat and will settle your stomach.”

  “How would you know?”

  “My old man suffered from enough hangovers in his time.”

  She wrapped her hands around the cold glass. “I wasn’t drunk.”

&n
bsp; “Upset stomach. Close enough, now drink. Then we’ll talk.”

  Her eyelashes fluttered down and she complied with his command. Almost immediately, the rolling in her stomach had begun to ease.

  “Better?” he asked.

  She nodded.

  “Now, has this happened before?”

  “Not like this. I work nights and with the stress of the last couple of months… I’m just tired.” Her stomach chose that moment to remind them both that she hadn’t eaten all day.

  He grinned at the loud rumbling that echoed in the kitchen.

  “And hungry,” she admitted.

  “I already dumped the eggs.”

  “I couldn’t get those down anyway.” She doubted much of anything would sit well in her stomach, except… “Do you have any ice cream?” she asked hopefully, licking her lips at the thought of the cold treat easing its way down her parched throat.

  “Yes.”

  “And french fries?”

  “You’re kidding.”

  She shook her head. “Now that I’ve gotten my appetite back, I have this urge for french fries, too. Any in the freezer?”

  He raised an eyebrow at her unusual request. “Sorry, but no.”

  “Then it’s a good thing there’s an all-night fast food place near my apartment.” She graced him with a smile. “We can stop by… on my way home,” she said pointedly.

  “You obviously can’t wait to get away from me. Fine, but from the looks of things, you’ve been neglecting your health, and that’s got to stop.”

  She glanced down at her too-thin body. Being overworked and exhausted had taken their toll. She shouldn’t care that he looked and found her lacking, but vanity won out. She more than cared… and didn’t appreciate the silent admission. “Thanks for the compliment,” she said wryly. “And here I thought I’ve never looked better.”

  His eyes fell to her chest, then traced a heated path over the rest of her body and up again. Her breasts tightened and swelled beneath his visual caress. “Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked, uncomfortable under his scrutiny.