Take Me Again Read online

  “I–”

  “Think about it,” he said, interrupting her. “We make a good couple and I’ve fallen in love with you,” he said, his voice warming.

  She bit down on the inside of her cheek, wishing he’d told her that before proposing. She would have slowed things down immediately.

  “Oh, Jonathan. I’m not … ready to get married,” she said, hoping she was letting him down gently.

  Another version of it’s not you, it’s me. But she was being honest. To her, marriage meant love and commitment and the happily ever after she didn’t think was possible for herself.

  His sparkling eyes dulled as she turned him down.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t realize you felt… I just…” She trailed off, unsure of what else to say. She’d hurt him and that was the last thing she’d wanted to do.

  “I hope you’ll consider it,” he said, persistent to the end. “You don’t have to say anything now.” He closed the box and tucked the ring back into his pants pocket. “But I’ll be holding on to this. And hoping.”

  She shook her head. “Please don’t.” Her heart squeezed as she spoke, because he was a kind man and would make some woman a good husband. Just not her. “I like you, a lot, and I enjoy your company.” She forced herself to meet his gaze despite the painful churning in her stomach. “But I don’t love you. And I don’t see my feelings growing that way. In fact, I don’t believe in falling in love.”

  She kept her voice gentle as she broke it off with him. “Given all that…” She pointed to the ring. “I think we should end things.” She spoke as gently as she could.

  “I’m not going to give up on hope,” he said, surprising her. She hadn’t seen him as the overly persistent type, but here he was, not wanting to let her go. “People have built solid marriages on less.”

  Yet between the two of them, neither had communicated enough feelings to get to this point. She couldn’t believe he’d put them in this position. And though she’d miss him and the time they spent together, she just didn’t love him.

  Did she trust any man enough to fall in love? A question for another time.

  She sighed just as her phone rang from inside her purse. She didn’t want to take the call, didn’t want to make him feel less valued than he already did.

  “Check it.” He gestured with a tip of his head toward where her handbag hung on the chair. “It might be important.”

  She nodded, assuming he needed time after his rejected proposal, and pulled her phone from her bag. She glanced down to see Ethan Knight’s name flashing on the screen.

  Ethan was the closest thing she had to a brother. In fact, he had been her brother once, in the short time her mother had been married to his father. A few years, only six months of which she’d lived under the same roof with him and his two brothers and sister. But he’d stepped up for her, and as a result, her relationship with him was important to her.

  She glanced at Jonathan. “One minute?” she asked and he nodded.

  She answered the phone. “Hi, Ethan. Everything okay?” He didn’t usually call during his business hours in the United States.

  “It’s Parker.” Ethan’s middle brother, who she hadn’t had any contact with since her mother and his father had sent her away to boarding school. He’d been the quietest one, busy with his skiing and training for the Olympics.

  “Is everything okay?” she immediately asked.

  “I’m going through the numbers in Ethan’s phone and I know he’d want me to call you.”

  “What’s wrong?” She stiffened with panic. “Is Ethan okay?”

  “It’s Mandy,” Parker said. “She … passed away last night.”

  Dizziness assaulted her. Ethan’s wife. The woman he loved, as much as she’d let him, anyway. “Oh my God.”

  “Ashley?” Jonathan placed his napkin on the table, and leaned forward.

  She held up a hand. “What happened?” she asked Parker.

  “Accidental overdose.”

  She swallowed hard. “How is he?”

  “Shaken up. Hurting. I know he kept in touch with you over the years and you two are close. He’d want you to know.”

  “Thank you for calling. How … how is the family?” she forced herself to ask.

  “It’s been a shock but we’re dealing,” Parker said. “I saw your email was in E’s contacts. I’ll send you the funeral information.”

  “Thank you,” she said again. “Goodbye.”

  “Bye.”

  She disconnected the call, eyes glazed with unshed tears for Ethan and Mandy, a woman she’d liked very much.

  She brushed at the tears in her eyes, worried about Ethan. He wasn’t used to relying on other people. Instead he was the caretaker, she thought. Knowing him, he would try to push forward, but he was the brother who had stepped into the parental role his real father didn’t know how to perform. And now he’d need someone to handle things once the immediate shock wore off and reality settled in.

  He had his siblings—Parker, who was obviously taking charge, and Sebastian, who, as far as she knew, was still the playboy he’d always been. He also had his younger sister, Sierra. But they’d all be hurting. Ashley could lift the burden and be there for Ethan much as he’d always been there for her over the years.

  Jonathan cleared his throat, bringing her back to the present. “What’s going on?” he asked. “You look upset.”

  She met his gaze. “That was Parker, Ethan Knight’s brother.”

  Although Jonathan knew she and Ethan Knight were close friends, he didn’t know her past with the family and how she’d ended up on this side of the pond, as he liked to say.

  And didn’t that explain just another reason why she couldn’t marry him, she thought. He didn’t know the most intimate details of her life—because she hadn’t chosen to share them with him.

  “His wife passed away,” she explained. “And I need to go back.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that, but back? To New York?” he asked, sounding surprised.

  She nodded. “Ethan is like a brother and he’ll need me now.”

  “But for how long?” Jonathan asked, his expression puzzled, as if he was trying to figure out where he fit into her plans.

  “I don’t know.” But considering she’d just declined his proposal, distance would be a good thing, she thought, though she wouldn’t say such a thing aloud. She didn’t need the stress of him pressuring her or her friends asking her how she could have turned him down.

  Jonathan paid the check in awkward silence and he drove her home, their parting even more uncomfortable. In her mind, they were over. She cared about him and was sad, but their relationship had been more about convenience than love. And right now she could only focus on Ethan. The one true friend she’d ever had at a time when she otherwise would have been completely lost.

  And that meant she was headed back to the States. She couldn’t call it home. Sebastian had made sure of that. If only returning home didn’t mean dealing with the only man who’d ever held her heart.

  Before she’d locked it up for good.

  Chapter Two

  The day of the funeral, Sebastian tried to act as a buffer for his brother, but people had come to pay their respects, and they wanted to talk to Ethan in person. The family gathered, Ethan, Sebastian, Parker, and Sierra, in a small room where a revolving door of guests came in and went out again. Sebastian lost track of who he’d seen, personal friends and professional colleagues giving their condolences, but there was a book outside that would keep track of who’d come and gone.

  His best buddy, Ryder Hammond, was there, a long-time friend of the family and Sierra’s one-time boyfriend. Back in high school, they’d gotten together, and man, it’d been serious fast, only to burn out when Ryder panicked and broke up with her before her graduation. These days, Sierra was engaged to a great guy, who was away on business and couldn’t make it back for the funeral. Even so, they all approved of the man for Sierra, and as
far as Sebastian knew, she’d made her peace with Ryder. But that didn’t mean he didn’t catch lingering looks between them at family gatherings that made him uneasy and left him wondering if they had unfinished business.

  In fact, even now, as Ryder stood by the window in the small room, talking to Parker, his gaze drifted to Sierra. Sebastian glanced at his friend, eyebrow cocked until Ryder looked his way. Caught, he smirked and turned away.

  Sebastian shook his head and glanced at his oblivious sister, who was talking to one of their father’s old friends.

  Alexander had offered to cancel a planned cruise to the Mediterranean with wife number four, but Ethan had insisted he keep his plans. Nobody wanted the drama that came with Candy, the guilt and heavy sighs that would inevitably occur because she’d had to skip the trip she’d been dying to go on. And in truth, the man had sounded relieved.

  Sebastian’s mouth was dry and he needed water. The pitcher next to Ethan was empty, and he picked up the silver holder and took it outside.

  Sierra joined him, catching up with him by the water cooler near the front office. “I needed some air, too,” she said, fanning herself. Her cheeks were flushed, her brown hair with blonde highlights falling out of a bun and across her cheek.

  “Anything wrong?” he asked. “Besides the obvious?” He gestured to their depressing surroundings, really wondering if the blush in her face had anything to do with Ryder’s lingering looks, but he didn’t want to mention the man and risk upsetting her.

  She shook her head. “Funerals just aren’t easy, and I feel so bad for Ethan.”

  He pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. “Are you okay?”

  She glanced up at him and nodded. “Best I can be.”

  “I get that.” He filled the water pitcher, condensation dripping to the floor. “Ready to get back?”

  Drawing in a deep breath, she nodded. “Let’s go.”

  Together, they walked back into the sitting room and excused themselves, easing past a new crowd of people, making their way to where Ethan sat. As he reached his brother, Sebastian drew up short. A blonde woman stood beside Ethan, hand on his shoulder, head bent close to his as she whispered in his ear.

  There was a closeness to their contact, and the longer Sebastian stared, the more he sensed something familiar about the female comforting his brother. Familiar but he couldn’t place her. Until she lifted her head and her gaze locked with his, sky-blue eyes opening wide in recognition.

  Jesus fuck. What was she doing here?

  He swallowed hard, his gaze skimming over her, taking her in. Her face had slimmed down over the years, her cheekbones more sculpted. Her beautiful features were still put together, so striking she took his breath away. And her lips were just as full and kissable – and he ought to know, finding it all too easy to conjure the taste of her in his mouth. When it came to her, his memory was crystal clear.

  “It’s Ashley,” his sister said from beside him. “Oh my God, we haven’t seen her in years.”

  “No, we haven’t.”

  He curled his hands into tight fists, the sight of her stirring up recollections he’d never quite forgotten but wasn’t thrilled to have resurrected. What he’d done, what he hadn’t done… One of his not-so-finest moments. He couldn’t say he hadn’t thought about her over the years, he had, but the thoughts came with regrets.

  His father had married her mother when he’d been eighteen, Ashley sixteen, and the attraction between her and Sebastian had been instantaneous. But even at his wildest, he’d known she was too young. Too vulnerable for him to desire with the depth of feeling that he had.

  As he watched her with Ethan now, Sebastian realized she hadn’t just shown up out of nowhere. She and his brother were obviously close, which left him reeling with the knowledge of yet another secret kept from him.

  At the sight of her, his mind went back to the past. She’d moved into his house along with her mother, another one of the women his father chose who wanted his money. Ashley had been adrift, alone. Often sad and lonely.

  He’d taken to sitting up at night, talking to her. They’d gotten along, had a lot in common, both of them lacking real parental figures. But he hadn’t missed how she’d looked at him any more than he could have denied how his body had responded to her curves, the breasts beneath her tee shirts, braless, nipples poking through, and the sweet shape of her ass in her sweats.

  His hands had itched to touch as much as his lips wanted to kiss. He’d hadn’t had much self-control in those days, and looking back, he’d been a powder keg—and it had only been a matter of time.

  Six months into her living in the house, he’d gone out to a party and gotten drunk, coming home to find Ashley waiting up for him. She’d clearly been drinking herself, informing him she’d taken vodka from his father’s stash, refilling the bottle with water. Clever girl even then. When she’d walked up to him, pressed her supple body against him, kissing him with young abandon, he’d lost all good intentions.

  She’d rubbed her breasts against his chest and licked at his lips with her tongue … and his arms had come around her, yanking her into him. His mouth had plundered hers and they made out like wild teenagers right there in the hall outside his father’s study. His tongue deep in her mouth, soft yearning sounds coming from her throat.

  Yeah, it’d been two a.m. and they should have been safe. But his father had come downstairs to the kitchen at the moment Sebastian’s hand reached beneath her shirt. He’d been caught, palm over her breast, dick grinding against her, his mouth on hers.

  He remembered his father’s yell, her mother coming running, words like statutory rape being flung around them. Next thing he knew, Ashley had been shipped off to boarding school abroad. She hadn’t returned. Not for summers or holidays. She’d chosen to stay with friends, and her mother, happy not to have a child to worry about, hadn’t cared. She’d even made sure Ashley’s boarding school was covered in her divorce agreement, ensuring she didn’t come home and disrupt her life.

  “Sebastian!” Sierra elbowed him in his side. “Where did your mind go?” she asked him.

  “It doesn’t matter,” he muttered, knowing that it did.

  “I guess we should say hello.” Nudging him forward, Sierra walked over to Ethan and Ashley, Sebastian beside her.

  “Ethan, are you doing okay?” Sierra asked.

  “I’m hanging in there. Don’t worry about me.” Ethan managed a smile and Ashley squeezed his shoulder in a show of silent support.

  Sierra glanced up at her. “Hi, Ashley.” His sister spoke quietly, with a hint of what might even be embarrassment.

  She and Ashley, though the same age, hadn’t bonded during Ashley’s time at their home. In fact, Sierra had made it a point to exclude the newcomer, worried the pretty girl would be competition for her at home and at school, something she’d admitted later on and felt badly about after Ashley was gone.

  “Hi, Sierra. It’s good to see you.” Ashley tipped her head in acknowledgment, her gaze then falling on his. “Sebastian,” she said coolly.

  “Ashley.” Her name sounded rough in his throat. “I’m surprised to see you.”

  “Ethan needed me,” she said simply, giving nothing of her relationship with his brother away.

  It bothered him in ways he couldn’t define. The fact that she was here, back after all this time, her hand on his brother’s shoulder, their body language telling him their relationship wasn’t new.

  “I didn’t know you two kept in touch,” Sebastian said, hands in the front pockets of his pants.

  Ethan narrowed his gaze. “Not now,” he said, his tone prohibiting further conversation.

  Sebastian narrowed his gaze. That was Ethan, all pronouncement and expecting everyone to fall in line. And though right now, he understood, Sebastian had questions he wanted answers to about the relationship he hadn’t known existed between Ethan and Ashley.

  She seemed like a friend. A good, solid friend and nothing more, but
it bothered him that Ethan had clearly been part of her life—and he hadn’t.

  He drew a deep breath, knowing that his brother was right and that this wasn’t the time or the place for a confrontation. Discretion was important in this room full of people, so for propriety’s sake, Sebastian silently backed off, knowing it wasn’t the end of the conversation.

  * * *

  As the rest of the day passed, painful for everyone involved, Sebastian was acutely aware of Ashley standing by Ethan’s side, a strong presence, surprising Sebastian because, as was beginning to become a theme in his life, he’d been in the dark when it came to his own family.

  Why hadn’t he known Ethan stayed in touch, had a relationship with Ashley after she’d gone? He hadn’t thought to ask, never considered why she didn’t come back, just accepted the way things were. Because he was a selfish ass, he thought, amazed now that he’d let things just go.

  After the funeral, close family and friends returned to Ethan’s apartment, where his personal assistant had ordered in food and hired help to serve guests who came back. Hours passed, time during which they remembered Mandy and her smile, her sense of humor.

  But finally, by the end of the evening, Ethan told them he wanted nothing more than to be alone. Guests began to file out. The servers left. And considering all the siblings lived in the same luxury high-rise building, it was easy for them to all go their separate ways and retire for the night.

  All except for Ashley, who remained in Ethan’s apartment.

  Aware of her presence on another floor of the building, keenly conscious of her closeness with his brother, the type and depth of the relationship unknown to him, Sebastian pulled out a bottle of Jack and indulged.

  * * *

  God, she’d kill for some chocolate, Ashley thought, after the last of the company left for the night. It was an indulgence she didn’t allow herself often, her mother’s words still ringing in her head. Healthy eating, healthy body. And though her mother had watched what she’d eaten because she wanted to look good for her man of the moment, Ashley had internalized her words. She rarely indulged in a chocolate treat because it reminded her of … Sebastian.